4 Questions to ask your therapist on the first day.

Have you ever wondered why your first therapy session felt unproductive? Have you wondered why your current therapist does not understand you? Chances are you did not start on a good foundation. Before you book your first therapy session, you need to know and understand a few things about therapy. If you have been reading my blog posts and following me on Instagram, you will testify I advocate speaking to a professional about your life experiences. Although some might think that doing so means you have huge problems in life. Honestly, seeing a therapist does not mean that there are problems. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective on your life.

Being in a community of Mental Health professionals allows me to understand certain aspects of mental health that I never knew. I am happy to share everything I learn with you. Feel free to take notes in your journal because it will come in handy in your first therapy session.

Understanding what therapy looks and feels like is not as nerve-wracking as you think. My first experience gave me an understanding that having an open mind gets you far and opens you up to gaining new insights about things.

It is crucial to know that there are different types of therapy. Doing in-depth research allows you to have an idea of what to expect. The questions to ask your therapist in this post are crucial, so pay attention. You are free to ask more to gain clarity about the person who will be part of your life journey.

Remember that asking questions allows you to decide proceeding or not. The choice is yours, and making a better decision will always be great for your life. Without taking much of your time, below are the four most important questions to ask your therapist on the first day.

Like every profession, having certifications adds more credibility, and knowing that your therapist is more capable gives you relief. Many professionals strive to get as many certificates and experience in a field as possible. The confidence that your therapist is qualified prevents doubts and anxiety from you. 

Psychologists have areas of specialization just as engineers or Medical doctors do. Discover what your therapist has more knowledge and experience in allows you to understand how to work as a team. Some counselors may have more experience working with married couples, families, substance abuse, or grief. By asking this, you know what area of specialization and the years spent gaining experience.

This question is a great one and asking it will allow the therapist to share their honest and professional views based on what you hope to achieve with therapy. Although there is no one size fits all approach because personalities and situations are different. A therapist’s experience with a similar situation is a guide to your sessions which is a great place to start. 

Success means different things to each of us, and it’s crucial to ask this question because of the power that comes with it. By asking, you get to reflect on your goals, where you currently are, and the next steps. Every therapist has goals when working with clients, and the success of the approach used when working with a client is based on teamwork. 

Now that you have these questions, go ahead to book your first therapy session with an open mind. And don’t feel compared to work with any therapist if you’re.

Please share in the comment section other questions that you think I missed. I look forward to hearing from you.

How to turn negative thoughts into positive ones.

None of us want to move through life miserable. You and I are all searching for meaning in everything. Inevitably, we sometimes lose our way in search of happiness when the secret to it all is doing the inner work and being consistent.

Positive self-talk as a tool can help your journey toward personal growth. Every accomplished person will tell you that everything started with baby steps, the steps that sometimes felt like there was no improvement, but they kept going regardless. The only reason you should keep going is that it’s all part of the process.

I have realized that by incorporating a more positive attitude, your life experience becomes more meaningful. Along the way, fear will constantly knock on your door wanting your attention. It’s important to keep in mind that fear comes with negative self-talk.

Do you know that the inner dialogue that you have with yourself that limits your ability to believe in yourself and your abilities is called negative self-talk? I’m talking about the narrative we tell ourselves that keeps us from being enthusiastic about our lives.

To switch your mentality over to a more positive state, you will need to be more self-aware of the thoughts you let into your head. Believe me when I say it takes a lot of unlearning and intentionality. I still struggle to do this, and although my experience can be slightly different from yours, monitoring your thoughts will help you.

In addition to hurting our personal and professional lives, negative self-talk can lead to severe issues like depression, insecurity, and increased anxiety, all of which can affect the quality of our relationships.

The Importance and Benefits of Positive Self-Talk

Studies show that about sixty-thousand thoughts run through our minds. 95% of these thoughts are the same as the ones you had the previous day. I want you to know that positive self-talk may not come as easy as it sounds I encourage you to start reciting affirmations and journaling. If you’re new to affirmations feel free to check my post on it by clicking here.

Once you understand the benefits and importance of positive self-talk, you will begin to wonder why it took you so long to embrace it as a lifestyle.

According to Healthline, people with positive self-talk may have mental skills that allow them to solve problems, think differently, and be more efficient at coping with hardships or challenges.

In stressful times like this, being your cheerleader is a healthy way to cope with the uncertainties of life and it improves productivity in general. Instead of calling yourself names, and beating yourself up about life and the things that you have no control over, give yourself the boost of that energy and confidence by being kind to yourself as you would to a loved one or friend.

Addressing yourself more positively can be easier said than done by many of us who have the destructive habits of being negative towards ourselves.

Look at yourself in the mirror today and say a few affirmations and notice how you feel.

Here are ways to be and stay positive.

I like to know what your thoughts are on this. If there’s a specific area you would like me to write about don’t hesitate to comment below.

If you haven’t listened to my podcast, what are you waiting for?

Yana Podcast NG is now on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Google Podcast.

I look forward to connecting with you more.

The best guide to conquer Imposter Syndrome

Why does imposter syndrome exist in the first place?

Some people are born with a high degree of self-confidence while others have to build this as they grow older. I even heard someone say that being overly praised as a child gets you just the right amount of confidence you need to walk your way through life. How true can this be?

Now that I’m in my mid-twenties, having met different people from all works of life, I will tell you that a lot of us struggle with imposter syndrome. Especially the creatives, this is low-key a shout-out to all of you that keep showing up for yourself every day.

Imposter syndrome can occur countless times in one’s life. It comes in different forms but the message is always the same.

At first, it comes with the feeling of being a fraud, then you begin to doubt your accomplishments, and lastly, you’ll even think that you don’t deserve anything good. I know how this feels, trust me. The key to solving this is to recognize it as soon as it appears just before the crippling effects get you all wrapped up.

If you can relate to this then I must tell you “you’re not alone”. Knowing that it happens to 9-82% of people gives me huge relief, to be honest. The truth is that my imposter syndrome comes into action mostly when I have something big to go for or when it just feels like showing up. Emotions are impossible to avoid but easy to control with practice and a degree of self-awareness.

Speaking from a humbling perspective, the steps I’m currently taking is slowly helping me deal with it better. I know reading this will help you too. By figuring out how to coexist with this feeling, you get a better chance of pursuing your goals without fear or coming into contact with the feeling of not deserving your current achievements.

The best way to define imposter syndrome is by seeing it for what it truly is.

“ It is the dark side of you struggling to get noticed. Perfectionists are prey to this feeling. It goes further to affect your ability to speak up because you might feel like doing so will make you look stupid ” says Azeelah

Imposter syndrome is characterized by fear and self-doubt. According to Valerie Young, an imposter syndrome expert “ In some cases people who experience this feel like they’ve to accomplish tasks on their own.”

Here are the proven ways to have an excellent relationship with yourself even when you have imposter syndrome.

• Finding out what your internal and external triggers are will help you out. It happens to be the number one step that will enable you to take the remaining steps listed in this post. Journal them, sit with them by carefully analyzing each. This act of reflection will let you understand more about things that you never paid attention to.

• Knowing how to be kind towards self is another way to get through the tough days. Taking back control is a process but you got to put in the work. Being kind means you acknowledge that there’s work to be done on your path and time isn’t the enemy.

• I have found that saying yes to opportunities is good another great way to deal with it. Not letting those negative thoughts stop you from exploring more will help. Applying for the scholarship program, going for that vacation, learning a new skill, trying out things that you’ve an interest in does the trick. What the hell are you waiting for? Lol

Early last month I decided to go for something that I wanted. At first, I was scared of not getting it, then my mind went on with the idea that even if I got it, that would be because a more qualified person didn’t apply for the position. This feeling made me review my resume countless times before hitting the send button. Can you believe how that felt at the time?

Additionally, I suggest that you track your success and goals because this will very much help you. Doing this reminds you of your potential, accomplishments, and goals on your vision board.

Celebrating how far you’ve come while striving to be better is a fantastic combination. And a good recipe for a happier and more successful life.

Finally, seek help from a professional psychologist who will give you the tools, insights, and information that supports growth. Don’t be scared to say that you need help, admitting it doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Discover 5 steps to block out toxic people

Is your situation causing you stress, anxiety, and sleepless nights?  Are tired of being in a circle that mentally drains you? Do you want to live your life without negativity?

Worry no more, the truth is that you’re not alone.

Everyone has to deal with negative people, and to be honest we live in a world where positivity is hardly ever celebrated. Negative news or story moves like a wildfire.

I know this sounds relatable, it does right?

For so many, spreading negativity is a hobby and this can throw you off on days you just want to be productive. If only they could channel the energy into something productive then this world would be a much better place for us all.

 If you could be free from being held back by toxic people in your life, what kind of difference would it make to you right now?

What you’re about to read seems to be the most effective way to handle toxic people. 

By deciding to take these steps you’re showing commitment to doing better for yourself. Don’t forget that I’m here to take your hand as we walk through each step. Keep in mind that being patient with yourself is important as well.

Here are the steps that will turn your life around.

• Know who you’re and what’s important to you

To know you means being able to distance yourself from the noise around you. To filter the noise you come in contact with means spending time to develop emotional intelligence because this is what helps you navigate in this world. 

Knowing who you’re will help you in deciding what’s best for you. Ask yourself who am I? What’s my purpose? And what am I passionate about? These are all good questions to start with. You need to be more detailed when answering and an ideal way to do this is by writing it down in a journal.

I remember the first day I had to write down the things that are important to me, it was hard because I had to weigh everything. But at the end of the day priorities have to be set. In other words, writing it down makes you differentiate your wants, needs, goals, and where you stand.

• Spend time mapping out a plan to achieve your goals

Every goal you have is valid and knowing that you’re not the only person who has had a similar thing in mind is reassuring. What separates achievers from the crowd is the fact they’re very intentional about every move they make and with the right amount of push they get things done.

A map is made to make your path clear. Look at it the same way a chess player would make decisions regarding the next move. Every move should be carefully calculated and every wrong move comes with a lesson.

Having to map out your journey is vital because it’s a detailed guide as to where you currently are, where you’re headed, and how you plan on getting there. 

• Put your energy into developing your skills

Never underestimate the power of your skills. I plead with you to always go the extra mile in ensuring that you get better. Take online courses if you have to, get yourself a mentor that will help you understand things better.

 Having a community of like minds that support your growth, and help you build on your strengths is a fantastic way to block out toxicity. The truth is that the more skilled you’re, the more value you bring to every relationship. 

The more time you spend harnessing those skills the less time and energy you will devote to things and people that aren’t helping you grow. 

• Don’t let their words and actions get to you

Criticism can be good but be careful of what you let into your mind. Although criticism can open your eyes to understanding how others see us, it can sometimes be a clear reflection of the critic.

I have learned to scan every word that gets thrown at me, doing this is all a gradual process but I can assure you that it’s becoming a healthy way of life. You must protect yourself from words that can utter your vibration as a spiritual being. Not everyone’s opinion about you should affect your self-esteem.

• Distance yourself from them by all means

Saving yourself from the drama that comes with this situation is a smart thing to do, by protecting yourself you make things clear . Toxic people are in desperate need to hold you to ransom by all means and the only way to let go of everything that is holding you back is by keeping your distance.

On days you feel down, go do the things that make you less worried about any challenge, involve in things that will cheer you up instead of making you feel horrible.

Fear of loneliness ; A Global Pandemic

Loneliness is a feeling that most of us fear but in real sense are we meant to be scared of being alone ?

This feeling makes it hard to even make certain choices. Let’s talk about the two sides of fear ; the positive and negative. As the name implies the positive aspect of fear brings out the best in us while the negative effects cripples us from making the right decisions.

Fear of loneliness also known as the cobweb that blinds you from seeing clearly. It makes you even settle for less. Can you imagine that ?

This feeling has made a few amazing women that I know go into toxic relationships even when it’s obvious that it was only taking away from them.

Some of us are so tired of being single that we think getting married will solve the problem that comes with being scared to be lonely. I believe that everyone deserves to have healthy relationships with people. But first have a good relationship with yourself, this gives you more time to understand who you’re and not what you’re.

In college there was a time I felt so lonely, even after knowing that I wasn’t. I just couldn’t shake off that feeling and as you know every bad feeling comes with bad decisions.

I got into a relationship, it wasn’t the best thing to do but it felt right in my head. As humans we’ll want to be heard, loved, understood and respected, the minute any of these needs are neglected we tend to look for it in the most unpleasant manner.

As we go deeper into this new year I hope that you’re more aware of the choices you make. I always say that being self aware is one step to realising that you don’t need anyone to feel a void. The void will always be there, joy comes when you learn to live with it rather than fight it.

Depending on anyone to make us happy is an unrealistic request, everything is up to you. It’s always going to be you vs you.

If you’re wondering how do I defeat this fear of loneliness ?

I will always recommend that you slowly find yourself, be honest with yourself and be gentle. It’s a process that comes with patience.

Vulnerability ; Reasons it scares you to death

To be vulnerable means to completely let go of the belief that the universe got you . Many will argue that choosing to do this is a reckless decision but I think differently about this . I will be more than happy if you leave me a comment if you think otherwise. I’m curious to know if there are more reasons out there.

With vulnerability comes a possibility of getting hurt or being rejected which is scary for most of us. Being scared about how the other person sees you isn’t a way of being vulnerable. I get it, learning to trust yourself and the process is scary. For me, I see it as having faith and conviction that things will get better. Guess what? They actually do.

The reason why you’re scared of being vulnerable is that you don’t want to tell yourself “ I told you so” in the mirror the next day. It’s obvious that I’m writing this out of the experience.

One thing I love the most about my journey in life is the fact that I truly get to learn. I prefer to learn as soon as possible though. Every lesson or test I don’t understand is always given to me in a different format but the message is clear.

I’m sure you’re reading this and saying to yourself “I can relate to this ”. I strongly believe that we need to do better when it comes to paying attention to the world around us. This is why some argue that technology was brought to distract us from the truth.

The golden advice is that everyone needs to be more intentional and present in life.

Another reason is that being vulnerable means opening up some old wounds that you’re not willing to revisit. I think being vulnerable is all about appreciating the scars, pain, and undeniable growth. True growth comes from unlearning a lot of things and learning new patterns that serve you. Being vulnerable isn’t as scary as it sounds.

Another reason is that you’re just scared. Fear is a natural primitive emotion. According to psychologists Fear means ( false emotions appearing real). This feeling alerts us to the presence of danger or threat which can come in different forms such as emotional or psychological.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear they say, which makes a lot of sense. We’re born into this world to think that vulnerability is a weakness but in reality, we’re indeed vulnerable creatures.

Being vulnerable isn’t as bad as it feels, looks, and sounds. Trust that the universe got you and beautiful things will begin to unfold.

What scares you the most about being vulnerable? I will like to know what your thoughts are on this in the comment section.

Lies we tell ourselves about therapy

For a very long time, communication has been a difficult thing to do and the feeling of offloading everything during therapy is often seen as exposing ones life or secrets.

Psychotherapy is a field that trains professionals for years and operate according to a code of conduct designed to make the process transparent and helpful.

My personal experience with therapy is something I love to share because of how it made me feel. Below are a few things I think you should keep in mind before contacting a therapist.

What not to expect are

• Friendship or an informal relationship with your therapist. You are paying for a service, which is to listen to you express yourself. Some say it’s easier to be honest with a stranger than people you know eg friends and family. It’s absolutely normal to develop feelings for your therapist and that’s called counter transference. It doesn’t last so stick to the plan of getting better.

• Don’t expect the therapist to find a solution for you quickly. I have come to realize that therapy works only when both parties work together in ensuring that the right things are done. Example if medications are to be taken. No therapist has the answer to all your problems, the answer lies deep within you. So you got to put in the efforts.

What you will get

• You will understand how talk therapy involves talking about your experiences and having a professional ask you questions in order to make things clear about yourself. Therapy also helps patients connect their experiences, understand their behavioral pattern, and learn ways to be more effective and strategic in the choices they make.

• You will get confidentiality because you deserve it. What happens in the four walls of that space stays there, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if the therapist is a family friend. For kids under the age of 18 a parent is advised to join, this will be of help to both parties.

• You should expect progress, this isn’t always as quickly as you would expect but it’s a process. Healing is a process and approaches made to understand every client is different. Please be patient with yourself. If after several sessions you notice no progress then it’s okay to talk to your therapist about it, be open and always communicate.

• Therapy makes you more accountable. It slowly makes you more aware of your emotions, and if you’re consistently going for your sessions you should be proud of yourself because that’s a sign of progress.

• You are in total control of the outcome, everything depends on you. What’s stopping you from moving forward is YOU. Always communicate and be clear about what you want. Don’t be shy or scared to take charge for once.

• Lastly you will definitely feel comfortable around your therapist and if you don’t, the chances of being open and honest about things are low. Does your therapist seem to care about how you feel? Do you always feel better after every session? These are all questions you should be able to comfortably answer.

If you ever get uncomfortable about your therapy sessions don’t hesitate to discontinue by finding a new one, it’s all up to you. I made an intentional decision to hold myself accountable.

What’s stopping you ?

Leave your answers in the comment section. Hopefully this gives you a better understanding of it all. And if you need to start therapy today contact Neem foundation or Mentally Aware Nigeria.

How you can bounce back from a heartbreak

I had a revelation after my last heartbreak and it inspired me to write this for you. Although heartbreak is viewed mostly in the context of an intimate relationship, today’s post will be focusing on the general idea.

As kids we may have been in a situation where a parent did something to us and it made us feel heartbroken. I can imagine how you felt when your best friend stoped talking to you, or your parent got divorced. My point is that, heartbreaks can come in different shapes and sizes.

It is impossible not to feel your emotions.

I’m grateful that it could be worse but here I’m writing this on a laptop in my room. It’s a cold Friday morning and being alive to me is what matters the most right now.

Some of you might find the title of my post misleading. That’s not my intention at all. In hindsight, I truly believe that we bounce back from any type of adversity when truth, patience and gratitude are combined.

I wish you the courage to move further. What was your first heartbreak?

What should I do when everything sucks?

This isn’t a guide to getting your heart feel again.

What do you do when everything feels off? Life sucks and I hate that we all have to accept it. For some people, things are easy to ignore, and still being in chaos is exciting.

I don’t want you to think that life is easy because what will you do then words can’t describe. I promise you will cry, hate yourself, blame yourself, have pity on yourself, and shame yourself.

Now there’s hope. Hope that my life will be easy. I have surrendered to the light.

Remember that surely with every hardship comes easy.

I wish you the strength and form to keep pushing.

p.s I just came up with the idea of sending you newsletters only if you’re interested. I must tell you that my opinion on subjects are subject to change. I’m only human. Change is constant. I think we should all try to provide each other with an enabling environment. An environment that supports people evolving. You can reply this note with “READY” and I promise not to send you spam messages.

In there, are my thoughts without judgments. I will be providing you with my most vulnerable self.

6 things I should love about Myself

A deeper understanding of myself through journaling and observation.

We often hear the word self-love and think of it as having a bubble bath, solo dates, or even buying that item we’ve been low-key wishing we own. I can’t blame anyone for looking at it from a myopic point of view.

As I get older, loving myself takes conscious effort. Self-love is understanding who I am, what gets me excited, what frustrates me, and lifting myself up every time I fall to the ground without allowing shame keep me down. I know there is more to learn and unlearn, especially when it comes to knowing myself and understanding the world around me.

For a long time, I thought being in love with myself was crazy and selfish. I thought someone had to love me first. My self-love journey as a woman began when I decided to be in charge of my happiness. Today I will share the six things I should love about myself that I ignored for so long.

Ability to love — Heartbreaks do not define me. I can still give and receive love after everything. I also think of myself as someone very deserving of love and understanding.

Creativity — My creative journey started as a child, and I’m so proud of what I’ve been able to create through my blog, podcasts, and other forms. Every day allows me to try new things, fail, and learn. 

Curiosity — My curiosity lets me explore and experience life in unique ways. I’m constantly learning new things about myself through the things I set my mind to. 

Adventure — Adventures are always a great way to discover who I am. Exploring new things with an open mind lets me know that change is constant. Now I look forward to traveling more, trying new cuisines, creating new relationships, and painting my heart with beautiful colors through adventure. 

Love for nature — I’m a fan of having pets. As a cat mom, I have learned to be more patient in sharing my personal space. I love spending time in nature because it’s better than mindlessly scrolling through social media. 

My personality — I can proudly call myself an ambivert. I have been told by strangers how warm they feel around me. Speaking to me is easy because they feel heard, understood, and seen. I love that I am constantly learning to hold space for people.

If this post motivated you to think about all the wonderful things about you, then write a post too and tag me. Let me know what you think about this, and I hope to connect with you on Instagram. 

The power of gratitude: How it can improve your life

Gratitude is the practice of focusing on the good things in your life and being thankful for them. It is a powerful tool that can enhance your life in many ways. Although being grateful can be challenging for many of us because of how our brains are wired. 

Here are some ways gratitude can improve your well-being:

Improves your mental health: It can boost your mood, reduce stress, and decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression. Focusing on the positive things in your life makes you less likely to worry about the negative.

Boost your physical health: Studies show that people who practice gratitude have lower stress, less inflammation, improved sleep, and improved immune systems. 

Enhance your relationships: Expressing gratitude to the people in your life can strengthen your relationship with them. 

Increases your resilience: Humans handle challenges better when they are more grateful. You’re more likely to see a silver lining in a difficult situation.

 “ Khadijah, how do I then cultivate gratitude in my life?” 

I think it’s simple, practice mindfulness, keep a gratitude journal, and express gratitude to the people around you through your actions.

 Challenges we face that prevent us from being grateful are negative bias, entitlement, and materialism.

Lastly, practicing gratitude regularly can train your brain to focus on the positive and reap the benefits that come with it. I encourage you to start a gratitude practice today. 

Keep an eye on this page because my next post will expand on journaling, and I will share a few prompts for you to try.

Coping with a mental health struggle

Photo by RODNAE Productions

I want to try something different today by telling you about my struggle because I know many of you can relate. Although, I feel like my life is better because of my willingness to improve. I must admit that not talking or writing about what we go through could cause us more pain.

I feel truly blessed to have certain things and people in my life, and I want to assure you that there’s no cause for alarm if you come across this post. Depression and anxiety get the best of me some days, but I have learned to find a way around those difficult emotions. This post isn’t promising you anything, and what works for me might not work for you, and that’s okay.

I want to admit that my mental health journey has been a rollercoaster ride like everyone else in this community. Even though I advocate that therapy should be a non-negotiable practice, being vulnerable scares me to death.

I remember a conversation with Amina about therapy, and she expressed how difficult it was for her to let anyone into her life. She feels too exposed talking about her experiences with a professional. According to her, it meant she needed to face the uncomfortable side of things. As we got into the conversation even more, she told me she needed to forgive her younger self because that was the only way a therapist could guide her.

Expressing those parts of yourself with anyone can come with so many emotions. Therapy is a beautiful process that everyone should go through to grow. If you have listened to my podcast, you must have heard me preach about how liberating it is to seek healing.

If you want to cope better, here are a few things I do that you might find helpful.

• Journaling
• Talking to a professional
•  Moving my body eg yoga and morning walks
•  Decluttering my space
•  Spending time in nature
•  Listening to Jazz music
•  Finding new ways to have fun
•  Reading a book
•  Listening to podcasts or recording an episode on my podcast

Feel free to let me know in the comments if you’ve tried therapy and what your advice to Amina is.